Is this what Death Feels like?
by Armontentia
Summary: Death took her before she could answer.


No.

I wouldn't believe it. I couldn't let it happen. I had to stay with my master.

But I knew it was too late.

People say your life flashes before your eyes. It doesn't. At least, not for me.

Just small flickers of my life. Pointless things, really. None of them really mattered to me. And some of them had _her_ in. The filthy blood-traitor sister of mine and Cissy's who's daughter I tried to kill, and who's husband died fighting our cause. Ha! I hadn't spoken to her in years, neither had Cissy. She better not, now I'm not one to tell her not to. The Dark Lord and Lucius should keep her right. Wait. Lucius.

The Malfoy's… they've not been themselves lately. Draco's become quiet, a sissy. Lucius… I could say exactly the same about him. He's so foolish. I'm incredibly surprised that they're still alive, actually. Lucius denied the ministry of being in alliance with the Dark Lord. _Such_ an _idiot_. Why would anyone deny being with the Dark Lord? And then months ago, Lucius made a move as if the Dark Lord would give him his wand. That's just ridiculous, I was so humiliated. I hate having to stay with them and my Lord thinking I'm one of the reasons to all the failures they made in the last couple of years.

The Dark Lord is my master, my Lord. I would never regret spending so much of my life with him. It's not like I love him. Some people think _I'm in love with him_. For God's sake. They're so stupid. The only love I feel around him is for what he's doing. Yes, I sometimes think that we're slightly like friends. Friends who have lost touch. We had fourteen years apart, how was that not losing touch? But he freed me from Azkaban. Why would he do that for someone worthless?

Some think I'm mad, insane, crazy. But I'm not. I just… I have this anger in me, one that I rarely get to use, seeing as the ministry is after me. I got to use some of it tonight. I felt alive again. And then, when everything feels like it did before Potter got rid of the Dark Lord those years ago, I get killed by a blood-traitor house-wife who can hardly afford to keep her children. Typical.

Well, that's not typical. Not for me, anyway. Wait, that doesn't make sense. I can't die more than once. But I've always been the one to get revenge or kill the ones I hate, not the other way round.

I don't understand how I've got the time to think this. It's like a thousand voices are going through my head at once.

You know when you're tired in the morning, and everyone's rushing around doing their things, but you still want to sleep? If you were fully awake, the noises they make wouldn't bother you at all, and it wouldn't be loud. But sometimes in the morning, it's different. It's the loudest think you can think of, and you can't get back to sleep. Then annoyance takes over you and you want to make them stop. But you can't, because it's not fair on them.

Life's not fair.

Everyone says that. And they're right, but then again, maybe life's only fair to those who deserve it. In the last war, that was fair. We were winning. We made a hundred murders each day, murders of our enemies. But the wizarding world was stronger this time, and somehow that Potter learnt secrets that even I didn't know of the Dark Lord.

It wasn't fair, this time.

The Dark Lord didn't treat me the same. Yes, he saved me from the Ministry. I don't think he regrets it. I admire him, I really do. I love the fact he's made himself from being the half-blood boy who grew up in an orphanage surrounded by muggles to the strongest dark wizard in the whole world.

I don't know why I react the way I do when people say his name. I can hardly brace myself to think it. I'm not sure why. Maybe I am insane. I really don't know if I'm insane or not, I am but I'm not. I think I am because I'm repeating myself about this, and I lose control easy. I try and follow my master's orders but I get side tracked and want to torture and kill the whole damn Order. I've killed some, but I don't get the time to torture them until they crack like the Longbottom's. That was my main way to fame. If only they all knew what I'd done…

I feel like I'm fading. I'm on the floor and everything's normal speed. My master is fighting Potter. He's just looked over at me. He's screamed.

That… that's my perfect way off. Well, not perfect, I'd have preferred to be killed by someone I respect. Not Molly Weasley. Maybe my master, but I wouldn't like to think of him wanting to kill me.

I'm confused. Weasley killed me and yet I'm not dead. It's like my eyes are locked onto my Master and Potter's fight. I think I just want to see how it ends, whether my thirty years of serving him were useful or not.

And then Potter strikes.

A green flash of light strikes my Master. My Master's face freezes and he hits the ground. I want to crawl over to him, see if he's still alive. I can't hear anything… but I can see my Master's face still. His eyes… they're pointing in my direction. Is this what death feels like? I think he's thinking the same thing.

I wish I could answer him.

But I'm gone.


End file.
